I do not think I am a man whose belief structure is easily broken, but I will say that if my cult leader, for instance, told me that my path to eternal salvation lie in the purposeful ingestion of snail mucus, I would absolutely, positively, think about finding a new false idol in an entirely different poorly lit one-bedroom apartment.

Well, as usual, my attempt to avoid coveting a sleek and impractical object produced by the nerd-leprechauns at Apple has lasted until the exact moment they showed a commercial for it on the TV. Thanks, Oscars.